madame
♥Michelle
Mee-shell | 18 coming Sept | 11 Sept 1993 | Chestnut Drive Secondary.
I am an average girl next door from a sucky school and I suck at chinese.
Facebook owns me cos its just the best way to stalk people.NOT!
I dont do such stuffs.
This is my life story,
where Tears, Laughters & Fun
Peppers the pages & months.
Sooo...
Don't come here to find trouble please.
I have my own thoughts,comment all u like, but i won't give a damn IF ur being a nuisance.


tagboard

ShoutMix chat widget


♥sayangs
♥Ann Bestes. ♥Fadhilaa Camel. ♥Suhaimi Baker. ♥Fana Pendek. ♥Kamilame. ♥Reeena Seng. ♥Yimling. Arynaa Misai. Fieza Pantat. Iraa BoinBoin. Fadlulu. Veraa Small eyes. Shakirr Clifford. iLah Tong. Evan. Kellyy. Yunus. Ilham. Jovin. Gummy. Jason. Fiqq.
Emilyy. Geo lens blogshop^^


archive
May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 November 2010 April 2011

crédits
Layout: madmadmaker
Banner: 1
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 10:06 PM
sooo tired today!
there's speech day rehearsals,
tution,homeworks,mid-year to study for..
i just wanna have funn uhh..
hmm,past few days nth much happened,
just the same=]
today,my syg Fieza&Hadi are okayy again~
yaaayy.
well,i dunno what else to write,im soo tired,
gonna sleep~

fish 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:29 PM
well,
it had been months since i updated this dead blog,
me updating it now,
partly becos of Ann,
&partly becos im feeling vry crappy&traped up right now,
at this vry moment...
at frist,i think there's no privacy if u write everything here,
but after that,
it seems that this is the only place i could say everything out at once,
&let others know how i really feel[inside!]
firstly,
2009 SUCKS BIG TIME!
i thought it might be a coincidence,
but everything is happening at once,
first,than fat lady coming to mess up my studies,
second,i fought wif my bestie,
third,im feeling soo lonely at home cos im the only daughter wif another 2 brothers.
[who am i going to seek when i down?no one!tts the problem..]
forth,my parents ain't like urs,
they dont understand how i feel,
i know lots of teens say tt,
but they really did not understand,
i have tried telling them what had happened in school today,
the funny things tt my friend did,the sad things tt happened,
i expected them to...,well,comfort me?or to try knock some sense into me,
but all they said was,"so?dun make friends wif them uhh."
after tt,i really broke down in the toilet,
they thought tt i was bathing,but i was crying,
&the only time im allowed to cry is when im alone or bathing..
i would just go to school wif my 'mask' on,
&try to forget all the things tt had happened,
sometimes,it worked,but sometimes,u go home feeling down all of a sudden..
all those fake smiles are wearing me off,
fifth,time management
i did'nt have enough time for anything/everything..
sixth,my grandfather almost died of heart failure,
he was in the hospital for 1o days plus i think,
he slept for a week plus,cos the doc says he to tired,his heart could not support him,
all the machines that were keeping him alive..
&i thought he was not gonna make it..
seventh,worrying if im gonna end up like him,
cos on my mum's side,my grandfather[passed away] had heart problem,
my mum too has heart problem,
my father's side,my grandfather wif heart failure[not sure if it would pass on]
my father,high blood pressure[not sure issit becos his fat or its a family thing]
my younger brother,his blood is special,
he cant touch or eat some things,if not he would turn yellow&if not treated fast,
he would die,like my cousin[my mum's sister's son]
its called,dunno what g5pd,not sure..[but i dun have to worry bout this cos it only
applies to guys]
half of my family is physically weak,
what chances do i have?its only a matter of time till they found the sickness like my
mum did,i once asked her if i would end up like her&her father,
she said 'maybe only,u will have to grow older to see the changes,like me'
she only found out her sickness when she was in her late 2oies..
eighth,i told my mum how i felt[like finally]
my mum cried,they treated me nicely for a few weeks,
&they where back to their old self..
ninth,most of my friends i have are malay&i dunno y,
cos as long as i feel comfortable&happy wif them,i didnt care bout their races..
but my mum&elder brother,they are soo racist!
whenever i go out,they will ask who am i going wif?
y all malays?oni so few chinese?
y?u wanna marry a malay when u grow up uhh?
its like wth?i out wif ppl tt i feel comfortable wif as friends,
not becos u wanna become that race rite..
i just want to let my mum know how great they are,
but she said tt she's not intrested&tt really hurt me alot..
tenth,i think this is becos im too sensitive,tts all.
my friends everytime different shade us as chinese&malays,
they keep disturbing me,i know their joking&stuffs,
just wanna see how i reacted,i would joke along wif them
but sometimes,
they tend to get to over[some tend to]
&i would get irritated..than i would think to myself,
y am i hanging out wif malays,y did i defended them when my mum is being racist?
becos im not racist&i dun want my mum to be,but now my friends are,
so i felt like soo wth..
eleventh,Fadhila
sometimes,i ask myself,if she really treated me as her bestes friend,
cos i dun feel it[sometimes]
theres one time,she told me tt she dont feel right when im not there,at Ahmad's house
well,at tt moment of cos i felt touched&happy tt someone needed/wanted me to be there.
but when i was there,she dun seem to notice me.
she did'nt layan me&went to have fun wif my other friends.
than i was wondering if she did meant what she said[cos it does'nt seems so to me]
so i talked to her,i ask her,
y u want me to be there wif u when u dun even layan me tt much?
she told me tt she just wanted me to be there,somewhere she can see me,
&she would feel relieve..
i felt like im some sort of statue,am i a decoration?
hey,i've got feelings too,i dont wanna sit there being a statue&sit there watching u have fun,
yes,im happy when u are,but not totally,
cos if my happiness just comes from looking at u have fun,
tt would make no sense.i need to have my part of fun too..
&at tt time,i just felt soo dissapointed,soo depressed.
but then,i heard tt she is leaving,
after November,
my heart felt like it stopped when i heard tt she have to leave,
&i was feeling bad
&i thought to myself tt i wanted her to be happy no matter what now.
i dont want her to leave,
cos she's my like my sister,
someone i love[as a friend,nt tt im les]
&tt made me think tt we might be leaving the school in 2 years time,
&if some of us goes to ite,whats gonna happen?
so now im spending all the time i can to be wif them,
&than i thought,would they feel the same as what im now?
would they wanna still be together after we graduated?
all this are really killing me,i really wanna know how they feel..
tweleve,i wanna forget tt someone,
but i cant,i dunno y,i just love him soo much,
he had someone else he love,
well,im glad tt he had,cos i would oso be happy when he is.
but its just me,i just dunno how to keep away from him,
how to stop loving him,
than i told myself tt,
as long as he dont avoid me&just treated me as his friend,
like how he does to the rest,im happy enough.
i wanna just stay as friends wif him,but i just cant help feeling tt i love him soo much.
but now he had change so much,not tt guy tt i loved before..
its soo sickening,i dun wanna love him..
thirtheen,i fought wif Fieza,
i was soo angry at her tt time,but she has the little cute cat face
&its soo difficult to be angry wif her..
my brother just love to interfer wif my problems which is soo irritating!
he keep scolding me&stuffs,only ppl who knows the full story gets what i typing here.
i so lazy to repeat the story[&the past is the past]
fourteenth,my cousin had a lose her job,
she cried like crazy&we 3 girls all spil how sad we are&stuffs..
fifteenth,there still lots of problems tt im lazy to write&cant write here.
so please,just understand if im getting cranky at ya or something,
cos maybe my 'mens' is coming or im having it,
cos my mood swings will be vry seriouse..
&i just wanna say sorry if i had pissed u off or made u angry,
its justs tt soo many things are happening this year,
&i still cant get over some problems.

2009 just sucks,
i know some stuffs i wrote are the past
&im not gonna take it to heart,im just gonna forget everything&forgive=]
i wrote it so tt u ppl cos see what i meant by 2009 sucks!
[well,i dun even think alot of ppl would read it,cos i have not updated this blog for months!]
y is everything happening this year when we are gonna take our Ns?
*sighs*
i really look up to Hadi,cos he told me how he wanted to live his live,
just happily,not wanting to know where he get his money,food,etc..
as long as his happy,it would be enough for him.
i really dun wanna leave my bunch of friends i have now
&i hope they feel the same too.
Them;]
Fadhila.Farhana.Rena.Emmeline.Akif.Farris.Shakir.Izzuan.
Michael.Ahmad.Alson.Hadi.Jinhua.Suhaimi.Rayyan.Fieza.
hoping..
sorry if ur name aint here,but ur still my best friends
&those ppl tt i wrote are just the ppl tt i hang out wif most=]